Prom? No, thanks.

Dressed up for the 8th grade formal.

I’m a junior, and spring is upon us. That means it is now prom/formal/semi-formal season.

Eh.

I am not a cynical ex-girlfriend, betrayed by her heart and fed up with romance, men, and happy things. Rather, it is my conviction that dirty dancing, splurges on prom dresses, and inane teenagers are not happy things.

I’ve been to a couple dances. Not recently, but in middle school there were the sweaty school dances in the gym (I went twice), the Jr. Beta Club Convention dance (same as the prior but dressy and with strangers in Greensboro), and finally, the baddest one of ‘em all: the 8th grade formal.

Oh, all the girls fretted over who was going to ask them to the formal (or if anyone would). I know I did. For months. I would never want to live through that again. One day, I would wish this guy would ask me. Next day, a different one. Third day, I would decide I would turn everyone down. I can barely stand to read my journal entries from those days.

Going to the formal with a guy gives a girl a chance to feel validated, beautiful, and loved all at once, but the climax of it all has the potential to be as devastating as it is exhilarating. You go, but without a date, and when your picture is taken it’s with two friends. You go with a date, but the night isn’t as special as you thought it may be. You go with a date, but you start the next school year at two different high schools. (Then again, there is my friend who is still dating the boy who asked her to the formal.)

I admire my friends who had the common sense to stay out of it all. The 8th grade formal took the place of a graduation ceremony, and it was a poignant goodbye to middle school, but I definitely regret getting so wrapped up in the drama preceding the night.

With that in mind, there’s no reason for me to go to the upcoming “Winter Semi-Formal” or even the prom in April. One thing I am looking forward to, however, is the JAARS [my youth group] Prom Alternate, for people just like me. It has the potential to be ten times as awesome as anything the school could host; last year the juniors and seniors sailed a yacht on Lake Norman in May.

A lovely sunlit evening with friends, minus superficial beauty and hormonal chaos, is worth a bit of girlish excitement.

A Taste of the Big Apple

Over Thanksgiving break my grandparents took me to New York City!

Tuesday 11/22

Immediately after school, I packed my bags and was whisked away to begin the NYC adventure. My grandparents and I dined at SouthSiders in Waxhaw. (Their chicken quesadillas make the whole vegetarian idea seem ridiculous.) We ended the night at Comfort Suites in Charlotte, where I prepared thread for bracelets and watched “Chopped” on the Food Network.

Wednesday 11/23

Christian Tours Coach

At 5am I groggily pulled myself through the motions of waking up, getting ready, and carrying luggage down to the lobby. We waited to be picked up by the Christian Tours coach, which took us to Newton, NC to collect the rest of the group. We made stops every couple hours, traveling through VA, MD, PA, and NJ. Finally, at 9pm we entered NYC through the Lincoln Tunnel. We collapsed into bed at the Salisbury Hotel, 57th street.

Our first day up to New York, at the very first rest stop, a short, shuffling man I hadn’t noticed before approached me and my grandpa. With a slight New Jersey accent, he introduced himself as Joe. With a stuttering speech he marveled at the sunny weather.

As we stood outside McDonald’s in Greensboro, I noticed that every yellow stool was covered in raindrops fallen the previous night; from the beginning I could see that his personality sparkled like the sunlight on the raindrops.

He was in his 60s, traveling alone and with great zest for every activity. “You should really try all the toppings,” he shouted when our tour director mentioned the different hot dog stands in NYC.

Thursday 11/24

Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

After a quick breakfast at the hotel (with coffee so delicious no sugar was necessary) we walked a block or so to wait for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. We chatted amiably with strangers while fighting off the crush of people and the cold.

Papa and I spent the afternoon walking through Central Park.

Later I got my first taste of the glitz and glamor of NYC while watching the Rockettes and walking by the 5th Avenue window displays.

LOVE

Friday 11/25

We were joined by a step-on guide, Bruce, who pointed out significant buildings and their histories as we roved Manhattan Island by coach.

We ended with a 2-hour long “repas de midi” at Le Sans Culottes. (The restaurant is named after the French lower class during the Revolution.) While waiting for my pasta primavera, I made bracelets and listened to the adults chatter.

= Christmas shopping and the namesake of an awesome poet.

After freshening up at the hotel, we bravely navigated the subway system. We emerged at Bryant Park (named after William Cullen Bryant, author of “Thanatopsis”), where I did some Christmas shopping, and looked around the NY Public Library, a 4-story marble monument to knowledge.

That night we watched “Mamma Mia!” on Broadway. Though the show was well-done, I didn’t agree with the values and morals.

Saturday 11/26

Another day of famous landmarks awaited: today we took the ferry to Lady Liberty and Ellis Island. At Ellis Island I nodded off in the movie theater. We lunched on South Street Seaport, back on the mainland.

Lunch at South Side Seaport

That afternoon, Papa and I waited in line to enter the flagship FAO Schwartz store. Overawed by the custom doll houses, Lego statues, and a Barbie Fusball table, we bought Schweetz (candy) for my brothers.

Sunday 11/27

Return home. I try to finish AP homework.

This is by no means a full account, but as I had written it out for myself, I thought I may as well post it on my blog.

Courage, Resolved.

Introspection

Dear 2012,

I typically follow the tradition of making resolutions for the new year—or rather, I set goals—but not this year.

This year, I want to consciously tackle a fear that is holding me back. Recently, I have felt that I lack the gumption and the courage to be true to myself. (And, no, my AP English friends, this is not inspired by The Awakening.)

I don’t want to keep my words inside me. I want to initiate the difficult and awkward conversations.

I want to be brave.

I can write, yes. It’s easy: I can write a Facebook message, an email, a blog post, a text. I can organize my thoughts and take time to think of replies. But this is beginning to feel like the bottom rung on the ladder of interpersonal communication. Equal to the ease of  serious communication via online social networking is its inadequacy.

When I write, whether for communication or for catharsis, I only achieve so much. I can put my feelings into words and try to make sense of my world, but I can’t get feedback from the people concerned. I can’t watch their faces or hear their responses because I am afraid of feeling pain. I can’t feel their love because I am afraid of facing their displeasure.

But I have to, for there are so many conversations that need to happen, and so many raw and risky words to exchange.

It’s so easy to stay on the surface—to stick with safe topics. Even with people I love and trust, with women in whom I have found wisdom, inspiration, and encouragement, it’s  hard to speak of what really concerns me.

Relationships are meant to fill and satisfy, but after surface conversations, I have a gnawing sense of loneliness only because I refuse to let anyone in.

I can’t keep hiding parts of myself just because I’m afraid of how people will react, or what I will lose (nothing in most cases!). I desperately want to live in the light.

I’ve always enjoyed adventure and challenge: traveling the world, learning a new sport, starting a blog. But simply overcoming the fear that keeps me from picking up the phone and calling someone for advice, encouragement, or no reason at all can make my day-to-day life an adventure.

This is my only resolution this new year: to give voice to the truth inside my heart, no matter how difficult it is to package neatly.

Yours truly,
Alisha

Pappadums and Vegetarianism

Two “wow” moments from today:

1. Reading “Why I Stopped Being a Vegetarian” by Laura Fraser
It’s an essay that is both a personal explanation and an argument against vegetarianism. She writes why she became and remained a vegetarian for 15 years, providing the most popular reasons (health, animal rights, environment). But throughout, she hints at the shortcomings of the lifestyle, at least for her. After trying meat again, she realized she had never been satisfied with carbs: “All of a sudden I felt like I had a bass note playing in my body to balance out all those soprano carbohydrates.”

Also, in hindsight, she realized that she had been selfish and rude to hosts, etc. I agree: I tried to be a vegetarian my freshman year, but I soon bid that label goodbye because it interfered with my relationships with my family, and it was just easier not to stick to it. So now I eat meat maybe once a week. I wasn’t trying to be ascetic; I just don’t like eating meat.

She also writes: “Meat is good. From a culinary point of view, that’s obvious. Consider that most vegetarians live in America and England, places tourists do not visit for the food. You don’t find vegetarians in France, and rarely in Italy. Enough said.” She’s an American who lived in Italy, so she should know. Honestly, I could count on one hand the meat dishes I’ve had that I truly enjoyed, and maybe the problem is the cooking in this country?

2. Making Indian pappadums (puppodums? poppadoms?)

These are Indian appetizers/chips/curry-dippers. I fried some this afternoon—watching them expand from round, flat pieces of dried dough to giant alien-looking chips was really cool. Click for picture.

Online Social Networking

I just turned in a research paper about how social networking sites are changing the world. Relationships, economics, politics, and education: everything works differently because of the Internet. I focused on the positive aspects, which I believe far outweigh the negative. But rather than abstract examples and analyses, I would rather write about the effects of social networking on my life.

I joined Facebook when I was 13 years old. That summer, I had gone on a missions trip with teens scattered across the country, and I wanted to keep in touch. My friends at school quickly joined, and now I know only a handful of people who aren’t on Facebook, my erstwhile boyfriend and dad included. They just don’t need Facebook to live their lives, but I’m not so sure the same applies to me.

I wrote in my paper that social networking sites (e.g. Facebook and Twitter) allow people of all ages and stations to interact. This is a paradigm shift from the typical hierarchy and exclusivity of social interactions. My sources say that the Internet provides a space for teens to develop, a “third space” outside of their typical home and school settings. These sites allow teens to establish and express their identities.

It sounds good on the surface, but my life experience has shown that “establishing an identity” is not necessarily beneficial. The following line by the Christian rap artist Lecrae sums it up: “We just worried ‘bout our image and our space up on the Internet.” This is a stab to anyone who’s wasted time perfecting their Facebook page, like me.

Maybe I’ve wasted too many hours shaping an online persona, even if it is who I genuinely think I am, but I haven’t failed to take advantage of the powerful tool for communication that is Facebook. When fundraising for another missions trip, I received a lot of support (financial and spiritual) by making a support page on Facebook. I’ve reconnected with old friends and kept in contact with friends now at other schools, teammates from my missions trips, and other people I care about. I still use email to correspond with one friend—we send emails every week—but it still goes back to the Internet.

As a substitute for awkward face-to-face conversations and confrontations, I’ve sent many, many messages. There’s time to think before replying, so the pressure of face-to-face interaction disappears. Since you still have to face the person in real life after the Facebook conversation, the awkwardness is simply delayed, but I still think online communication helps initiate necessary but difficult conversations.

Some people argue that social networking isolates people: “every hour spent online is an hour spent alone.” I don’t agree. I didn’t have time to write this in my paper, but the research has shown that people who spend more time communicating online also spend more time communicating offline, and the same goes for number of friends on Facebook. Highly social people simply extend their interactions to the Internet. Shyer people can open up on the Internet, making it easier for them to be social. A survey by the Digital Future shows that 87% of adults say their children spend the same amount of time or more time with friends since using the Internet. Facebook especially facilitates offline sociability by letting users set up events and groups with ease. It’s a powerful tool for organizing people and events.

Isn’t this very blog also a social networking site? If so, then, my goodness, what an effect it’s had! This is not an extension of establishing an identity; no, I am exploring my identity through all this writing. TeenInk is another such site that inspires and encourages students to create and share poetry, writing, and film. Do the appropriate research, and one would most likely find that the Internet has sparked a revival in writing. It’s not just for professionals anymore. The effect of that is arguable—do the greater portion of blogs mislead people with unsupported, wild claims or do they actually educate people? But no one can deny that blogging is a powerful force in today’s media-driven culture.

Overall, I think it pays to be technologically literate, even if one is sacrificing some simpler pleasures.

Since this isn’t the graded research paper, I don’t have to fluff up a paragraph-long conclusion! The end.